Escaping My Past...

History time. Sean and I got together three years ago. I had just broken up with my boyfriend of six years at the time and Sean who had been my best friend was the one who helped me lick my wounds and move forward. Thomas was the love of my life at one point. I can genuinely say I have never loved a man as much as I loved him. We had met while in college. He had the same major as me, the same goals, the same desires and needs and most importantly he understood me in ways at the time that I thought no one else did. Thomas could finish a thought…not a sentence but a thought of mine. I had dated him so blindly that I never saw his cheating ways or his selfish behavior. As much as he said he loved me he also loved so many others. I was not his only one and it took me sitting across the street of a cheap Super 8 Motel and watching him and this slut walk into one of the rooms.


Now it could be argued that maybe they were going in the room for a meeting, or maybe she was a friend who had problems and needed someone to talk to (these were of course all the lies he dropped on me when I confronted him about everything). But I find it hard to believe that you’re helping anyone at 12 midnight and even if you were you wouldn’t be kissing, caressing and snatching off each other’s clothes as you walk into your motel sanctuary. It’s safe to say that after that I was mentally dead. I was so hollow. Part of me wanted to still be with Thomas and the other part just hated him. I wished that I had never followed him to that motel. I had gone there that night to prove to the world and myself that my man was not a cheater and I left realizing that I was the dumbest woman on the planet.

God, had it not been for Sean I would probably still be lying in the bed, wearing pajamas and cursing the world. He brought me out of the darkness and into light. Through his love, support, his ability to accept me for me, his calm demeanor and his willingness to let me deal with the pain, I realized that the kind of love I wanted was not wrapped up in ignorance but in that of someone who sees me as me and loves me all the same. Good and Bad. So as I write this and reminisce about my past and how I got to where I am today I feel ashamed to say that I was attending a marketing seminar yesterday and bumped into Thomas. I just walked right into him as I was trying to figure out which banquet room I was to be in. I can’t even believe how it happened. One minute I’m looking for B-9 and the next I’m staring into the eyes of my past lover.

Every single feeling that I thought had washed away with the tears of years ago and my new found love with Sean came slamming back into me like a tow truck. He was so handsome and so there. I was at a loss for words, so whereas I should have said something canny and funny I turned and ran in the opposite direction. I can still hear him screaming my name. I thought I was over him and what’s worse is that the seminar is a week long and today is day 2. As I sit here, writing this on my laptop and ready to post this entry I’m nervous. What if I bump into him again? What if he’s single and able to be with me, what in the world am I going to do? Oh Lord if I ever need to be saved from anything now is the time. Pray for me guys.

Sex and the City: The Movie (Special Edition)