Time to Face Reality...It Hurts

So let me just get this out in the open right now…me and Ms. Kaitlin do not see eye to eye. Granted, one could give her kudos for her free-wheelin lifestyle, etc. But upon meeting her out at Angel’s dinner party, I just don’t know. And I know this whole blogging thing is supposed to be about bringing us together and bridging the gap, but I feel like her little snide comments about me being “uptight” were completely unwarranted and disrespectful…I just don’t know. I’m thinking to myself, lady you really don’t know me or my husband to be making such comments.


Here’s how it went down. Things have been somewhat tense between me and Taylor ever since I discovered his little or should I say big (read: huge) porn addiction a few weeks back. Since then we’ve both been operating on auto pilot – I’ve been working night and day, hitting the gym nearly 7 days per week in order to whittle myself down to bikini weight; he’s been home most days, with quite a few job interviews over the past two weeks. We’ve been pretty much just going through the motions. Intimacy isn’t at the forefront of our minds right now. And why should it be. He fantasizes about women twice his size; and I’m slowly shedding pounds. Not the ideal situation right? Whatever.

So we head to this dinner party together, and suddenly there’s this woman, blatantly hitting on my husband the entire night, commenting about how stiff we both look as a couple. How dare she? I do know that Kaitlin is currently journaling here as well…and I just didn’t appreciate it. And yes, I did pull her to the side to let her know that I thought her behavior and comments toward me and my husband were completely inappropriate. She was obviously tipsy and kept babbling on and on about how I should learn to “let my hair down more” and even referencing Taylor’s porn addiction. And this is where I realized that this site had bitten me in the butt. I’d allowed myself to air my life in a very public forum, but never did I realize that it would come back to haunt me in such a malicious way.

I’m just having issues with all of this right now. I felt she was completely disrespectful and acted out of turn and without a shred of class. I was literally shaking when I left because I was so furious…and I had no desire to talk to Taylor about this. He doesn’t even realize I’m writing for this site. I guess I didn’t even see how this could jeopardize my marriage because in airing out my secrets, I’m also doing the same to Taylor and how fair is that to him? Granted, yes, we’re writing under pseudonyms but the other ladies involved now know all of our identities. Was signing a non-disclosure agreement enough? How well do I really know these other ladies, besides Angel?

What have I gotten myself into, and worse, how in the world do I begin to repair the tension in my marriage? It extends so far beyond the porn. Not sure where I go from here.


Lipstick Jungle