I will always be free to be me. Life is too short for any other course of logic.
- Kaitlin
Thursday
Daily Affirmations: Freedom
No More Monogamy?
In the spirit of freedom and love and all that is sacred to me, it would only be appropriate of me to readily admit that I am not, nor have I ever been a completely monogamous woman. I just have the notion that we as humans were meant to share love and experience the fullness that life has to offer. That’s probably the reason why I really enjoy photography. It allows me to travel and experience life and places that I would ordinarily have never dreamed of exploring. When I was younger, I worked for a modeling and talent agency as a receptionist. I slowly moved up the ranks through the office and became the assistant to the owner, but I discovered that I really enjoyed working with the photographers, and hearing all about their stories and exploits as they traveled here and there for various assignments.
After an apprenticeship with a much older and very hot (well-known, might I add) photographer, I began to venture off on my own, starting my own portfolio, and eventually picking up my own clients. And let’s just say that I learned more than the importance of great lighting and location from my mentor. “Viktor” was a man with many lovers, many of whom were in the same social circles. My gosh, that man could charm the panties off a nun tied to a cross with Holy Water running through her veins. He just had “that way” about him. Anyway, Viktor was all about love and flexibility and cherishing each moment with whomever, whenever he chose. I loved it. Despite his age, he seemed so youthful and vibrant. He’s been long gone from my life in “that way” for a number of reasons which I won’t divulge right now…except to say that things got just a bit…what’s a good word? Complicated.
Meanwhile, having met Eric, someone who really is young and youthful, but a bit more reserved in his views on relationships and dating…this is quite the change for me. See Eric wants only “us”, just “us”. I’m not so sure how I’m feeling about that right now. For instance, I just left dinner with a former lover, “Benjamin”, who still hasn’t changed a bit since we last saw each other. Benjamin is that type of man who never seems to age, despite his increasingly graying beard (which I actually find quite attractive). We’re currently in the same city on travel, he’s here for a public speaking engagement, and I’m here on assignment of course. Dinner was as exquisite as always, and Benjamin was still quite the suggestive flirt – hands casually rubbing my legs underneath the table, the long suggestive looks, etc. And it took everything in my power not to accompany him back to his hotel and enjoy dessert.
But alas, there was Eric, calling and texting like the cute little puppy dog he is – subconsciously marking his territory. This thing with Eric, it’s great. And sure Benjamin is pure eye candy, and that’s all it would be is a quick thrill, but trying to tame these carnal urges is becoming harder and quite glum actually. Maybe I’m just a new age woman, I don’t know…but part of me is starting to miss the days of free flying. I’m not foaming at the mouth, dying for kids and the white picket fence like so many other women I know. Who does that anymore? Who has the time or energy?
Sex and the City: The Complete Series (Collector's Giftset)
After an apprenticeship with a much older and very hot (well-known, might I add) photographer, I began to venture off on my own, starting my own portfolio, and eventually picking up my own clients. And let’s just say that I learned more than the importance of great lighting and location from my mentor. “Viktor” was a man with many lovers, many of whom were in the same social circles. My gosh, that man could charm the panties off a nun tied to a cross with Holy Water running through her veins. He just had “that way” about him. Anyway, Viktor was all about love and flexibility and cherishing each moment with whomever, whenever he chose. I loved it. Despite his age, he seemed so youthful and vibrant. He’s been long gone from my life in “that way” for a number of reasons which I won’t divulge right now…except to say that things got just a bit…what’s a good word? Complicated.
Meanwhile, having met Eric, someone who really is young and youthful, but a bit more reserved in his views on relationships and dating…this is quite the change for me. See Eric wants only “us”, just “us”. I’m not so sure how I’m feeling about that right now. For instance, I just left dinner with a former lover, “Benjamin”, who still hasn’t changed a bit since we last saw each other. Benjamin is that type of man who never seems to age, despite his increasingly graying beard (which I actually find quite attractive). We’re currently in the same city on travel, he’s here for a public speaking engagement, and I’m here on assignment of course. Dinner was as exquisite as always, and Benjamin was still quite the suggestive flirt – hands casually rubbing my legs underneath the table, the long suggestive looks, etc. And it took everything in my power not to accompany him back to his hotel and enjoy dessert.
But alas, there was Eric, calling and texting like the cute little puppy dog he is – subconsciously marking his territory. This thing with Eric, it’s great. And sure Benjamin is pure eye candy, and that’s all it would be is a quick thrill, but trying to tame these carnal urges is becoming harder and quite glum actually. Maybe I’m just a new age woman, I don’t know…but part of me is starting to miss the days of free flying. I’m not foaming at the mouth, dying for kids and the white picket fence like so many other women I know. Who does that anymore? Who has the time or energy?
Sex and the City: The Complete Series (Collector's Giftset)
Wednesday
The Picture Doesn't Lie
He’s MARRIED…there I said it. Oh this is by far the biggest bunch of bullshit I’ve encountered. I decide to do some routine shopping one day and now I’m sleeping with a married man. Oh I can just hear Angel now. FUCK! Lord knows I didn’t do it on purpose. It honestly just happened. I didn’t know the man was married. I just stumbled upon this info this weekend. So let me just get to the story.
(Read more after the jump...)
(Read more after the jump...)
Tuesday
Who Doesn't Love Heavyweight Porn?
Again, I have no idea where to begin…upon learning of my husband’s addiction to fat porn, I wound up staying with Angel that night. I purchased six pair of shoes from Nine West, three new bikini’s from a vintage shop and seven dresses from Black White. Excessive, yes, I know. Dramatic, yes, I know. Necessary? Very much so. Look, I’m just an old school girl. I’ve since had several girlfriends tell me that their husbands watch a variety of porn, and some of them even watch WITH their husbands and boyfriends. Ok, I guess I could take a walk on the wild side, but the notion of watching a barnyard full of Porkies smashing against each other, drenched in sweat…I’m sorry, I’m just not feeling that that’s where I’m trying to go. Hell, for all that, I should just stop working out all together and take up regular consumption of lard. Uhm – no.
When I returned home, I basically confronted Taylor. He made it seem like no big deal…and I just couldn’t wrap my brain around it. He too had this notion that this sort of thing is completely normal. Apparently many of his friends share his little hobby. So is this the new trending topic? Heavyweight porn? I guess I’m behind the times. He tried explaining to me that its not that he wants a heavy-set woman, it’s just that he “appreciates the female form in any size.” How “new age” of him. Look, I myself, by nature, I am no small girl…let’s face it, if it wasn’t for Greg Gunz, then I’d definitely be on my way to signing up for the next season of the Biggest Loser. But the fact of the matter is that I work very hard to maintain a relatively thin frame. I eat right – six healthy, nutritional meals per day, 14 - 16 glasses of water per day to burn fat, weight training 5 days per week and cardio 6 days per week…I am not going to be THAT girl.
I know that I sound obsessive and maybe a bit prudish…I guess part of it is that Taylor hid these things from me. His porn collection, his interest in heavier women – all of it. I just feel very weird about it. Like right now I kinda don’t even want him to touch me. I know its wrong and I’m hoping this will pass, but I’m just being honest with you…it’s like this is just furthering the divide between us. Did I not see all of this these past few years? Had I been blind? Or had we just not been communicating? I don’t get it.
Needless to say…Girl’s Weekend in South Beach is quickly approaching. I have a solid eight more lbs to lose until I’ve reached my goal. With all of this madness with Taylor, I decided to kick up my sessions with Greg Guns. It’s like the perfect medicine, and Greg and I have formed a really good friendship with each other. He’s one of the people who told me to go easy on Taylor. What’s really cool is that Greg might be in South Beach the same weekend as Girl’s Weekend, so maybe we’ll get in a few sessions early in the mornings so I can stay nice and toned in my new swimsuits. I really just need a break from work, home, my novel (which I’ve been completely negligent on)…and just everything. Only a few more weeks to go…
But I do have a question...are there other guys out there who are into "heavyweight" porn? Ladies are any of you into it as well? Am I missing something here?
When I returned home, I basically confronted Taylor. He made it seem like no big deal…and I just couldn’t wrap my brain around it. He too had this notion that this sort of thing is completely normal. Apparently many of his friends share his little hobby. So is this the new trending topic? Heavyweight porn? I guess I’m behind the times. He tried explaining to me that its not that he wants a heavy-set woman, it’s just that he “appreciates the female form in any size.” How “new age” of him. Look, I myself, by nature, I am no small girl…let’s face it, if it wasn’t for Greg Gunz, then I’d definitely be on my way to signing up for the next season of the Biggest Loser. But the fact of the matter is that I work very hard to maintain a relatively thin frame. I eat right – six healthy, nutritional meals per day, 14 - 16 glasses of water per day to burn fat, weight training 5 days per week and cardio 6 days per week…I am not going to be THAT girl.
I know that I sound obsessive and maybe a bit prudish…I guess part of it is that Taylor hid these things from me. His porn collection, his interest in heavier women – all of it. I just feel very weird about it. Like right now I kinda don’t even want him to touch me. I know its wrong and I’m hoping this will pass, but I’m just being honest with you…it’s like this is just furthering the divide between us. Did I not see all of this these past few years? Had I been blind? Or had we just not been communicating? I don’t get it.
Needless to say…Girl’s Weekend in South Beach is quickly approaching. I have a solid eight more lbs to lose until I’ve reached my goal. With all of this madness with Taylor, I decided to kick up my sessions with Greg Guns. It’s like the perfect medicine, and Greg and I have formed a really good friendship with each other. He’s one of the people who told me to go easy on Taylor. What’s really cool is that Greg might be in South Beach the same weekend as Girl’s Weekend, so maybe we’ll get in a few sessions early in the mornings so I can stay nice and toned in my new swimsuits. I really just need a break from work, home, my novel (which I’ve been completely negligent on)…and just everything. Only a few more weeks to go…
But I do have a question...are there other guys out there who are into "heavyweight" porn? Ladies are any of you into it as well? Am I missing something here?
Today's Affirmation: I Know Who I Am
I know who I am. I know my value. I know my worth. I will accept nothing less than the very best in life because I deserve it.
- Alex
Affirmations for the Everyday Goddess Spiritual Guidebook and 22 Wisdom Cards for Contemplation and Prayer
Monday
That Damn Ex of Mine
Xander still loves his Daddy. It doesn't matter that the man is in prison serving time for rape, that son of mine still loves his Daddy. He's always sending him his schoolwork, pictures of his games and will literally shut the entire house down if his sorry Daddy calls and we don't get to the phone in time. Sorry ex of courses uses this relationship to not only have his ego stroked by his son but to also get to me. It just drains me. I cannot tell you the feeling inside I get every time this man calls me and has the nerve to tell me what I should or shouldn't be doing with my son. Just the other day he called and got Xander. My son proceeds to tell him that he failed his math test and of course instead of disciplining his son (who was playing on that damn game instead of studying) he has Xander bring me the phone and he calls himself chewing me out because obviously I'm too busy to raise his son.
It took everything in my body not to respond with, "how about I bring him to where you are and you raise him." Of course I kept my mouth shut because Xander was standing there watching, making sure that we didn't argue. So all I was able to give my sorry ex was some "uh huh" and "yes I hear you." I swear I just wanted to scream. This fool left me here with this child to raise alone and then wants to rant and rave every time something is not going the way he thinks it should. It's enough to make me go ballistic. As a mother it's hard trying to maintain the balance of life and often I find myself questioning everything I do. Did I cheer loud enough at the game? Did I put him in all the right activities? Should I feel bad because I missed that event?
It's an ongoing question and answer session inside myself. So, when the sorry ex calls or writes with some bull shit it just pushes me mentally over the age. I feel discouraged at times and though I know his words are meaningless I must admit they have a way of reaching me. His constant complaints of my schedule or how I raise his son just make me want to lock myself in a room sometimes. It's just hard and I just don't know where to go often times after the mental abuse. I sometimes feel as if I'm so fucked up. It's scary being an army of one sometimes.
It took everything in my body not to respond with, "how about I bring him to where you are and you raise him." Of course I kept my mouth shut because Xander was standing there watching, making sure that we didn't argue. So all I was able to give my sorry ex was some "uh huh" and "yes I hear you." I swear I just wanted to scream. This fool left me here with this child to raise alone and then wants to rant and rave every time something is not going the way he thinks it should. It's enough to make me go ballistic. As a mother it's hard trying to maintain the balance of life and often I find myself questioning everything I do. Did I cheer loud enough at the game? Did I put him in all the right activities? Should I feel bad because I missed that event?
It's an ongoing question and answer session inside myself. So, when the sorry ex calls or writes with some bull shit it just pushes me mentally over the age. I feel discouraged at times and though I know his words are meaningless I must admit they have a way of reaching me. His constant complaints of my schedule or how I raise his son just make me want to lock myself in a room sometimes. It's just hard and I just don't know where to go often times after the mental abuse. I sometimes feel as if I'm so fucked up. It's scary being an army of one sometimes.
By being good to others, I'm allowing God and the universe to use me as a vessel for prosperity. But don't take that stuff for granted or my stiletto will find its way into your mouth! :)
- Paris
Bordello by Pleaser Women's Teeze-06 Pump,Baby Pink Patent,7 M US
- Paris
Bordello by Pleaser Women's Teeze-06 Pump,Baby Pink Patent,7 M US
Friday
Are You Following Us?
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OMG
Kaitlin vs. Tisha
O.M.G. That’s all I can say right now. First let me start by addressing the seemingly widespread controversy over my 19 year old lovah. And yes, I said lovah. Yes, he is 19. Yes, I am 34, soon to be 35. Yes, we are in some form of a relationship. Exclusive? No. He’s 19. But beyond that we are blissfully happy for the time being. For the judgements I’ve received about this, I say this -- to each her own, right. We’re all about freedom and love in these parts, besides, I’m way to busy to care about any naysayers. Having said that, I can move on to telling you about my day in court and the tranny who brought me here.
I am so sick and tired of clients’ unreasonable expectations, which clearly fall outside of the stipulations of the photography agreement that individual (not corporate/commercial) clients sign. I do take individual sessions by request or by referral, and a few months ago, I took on a client, recommended by Angel’s good friend Mateo. His name is Tisha, or should I say her name is Tisha. Whatever. Tisha, made her initial inquiry – some promo shots to be used for a series of shows and club bookings in the coming months. We set up an agreement and determined the stipulations, particularly surrounding Photoshop. Now, let me tell you that Photoshop is not like magic. Nor is it the equivalent of facial and body reconstruction. Doctor’s are paid for that. Not photographers. It is not liposuction, it is not botox and it will not cure cancer. I just had to put that disclaimer out there. Sure we see magazine covers and the models and actresses look damn near porcelain. I’ve shot a couple of those covers. However, it is up to the magazine to decide how much Photoshop we use, despite whatever I advise them. And magazines are typically very, very lucrative bookings.
Ok, so now that the logistics have been made known, I shot with Tisha, who is indeed a very lovely…girl. I will not disclose her age, except to say that she is somewhere betwixt infancy and the grave. :) However, we shot, a very challenging shoot might I add, but the check cashed so we worked it for a solid eight hours, that was including the uberextensive set up time for her make up and wig changes, and all the wrapping they did to make her body look more feminine and feline. Eight hours. So after the shoot, I send her the proofs, she sends me back a few to retouch and there we have it. Traditionally there is some back and forth regarding the retouching, but its usually to my clients’ satisfaction and I’d never had an issue such as this one. But not Tisha. Oh, no.
The extent to Tisha’s retouching bordered on insane. I mean insane. There is a limit to which I will spend on any individual project, despite the money I’m being paid for the absurd requests. We went through three weeks of back and forth over the retouching of her "real-life retouched" nose ("could you make this more pronounced, it looks a little unreal here, especially after the third surgery"; "could you make the ass a little rounder here and remove the lumps"). Best believe that as a photographer, I've seen it all, drag queens, nudity, placenta, you name it, so I'm not discriminatory. A paid client is a paid client. Money is green and that's what matters. I do my absolute best to ensure that each client is utterly happy and satisfied because I know that may need to my next booking. But Tisha - no. Not having it.
Long story short, after I kindly told her that it would be in her best interests to stop at a certain point or take the shots to another studio, that she decided that it was best to take me to small claims court. Are. You. F*cking. Kidding? After struggling to reason with this her/him, I finally decided, fine, take me to court, but a countersuit would be forthcoming for the damages incurred, the time wasted and I wish I could sue for her/him for just being a 6 foot tall walking mammoth of a bitch.
The verdict? I’m currently owed a nice sum of pocket change which will be used to pay for some new lighting equipment, I’d been dying to purchase. Eric and I are off to dinner for the night. But I had to tell you girls the craziness that I’ve encountered. Mateo – NO MORE REFERRALS from you. Sometimes ladies, the money is just not worth the time.
XOXO
K
Live free my lovelies!
I am so sick and tired of clients’ unreasonable expectations, which clearly fall outside of the stipulations of the photography agreement that individual (not corporate/commercial) clients sign. I do take individual sessions by request or by referral, and a few months ago, I took on a client, recommended by Angel’s good friend Mateo. His name is Tisha, or should I say her name is Tisha. Whatever. Tisha, made her initial inquiry – some promo shots to be used for a series of shows and club bookings in the coming months. We set up an agreement and determined the stipulations, particularly surrounding Photoshop. Now, let me tell you that Photoshop is not like magic. Nor is it the equivalent of facial and body reconstruction. Doctor’s are paid for that. Not photographers. It is not liposuction, it is not botox and it will not cure cancer. I just had to put that disclaimer out there. Sure we see magazine covers and the models and actresses look damn near porcelain. I’ve shot a couple of those covers. However, it is up to the magazine to decide how much Photoshop we use, despite whatever I advise them. And magazines are typically very, very lucrative bookings.
Ok, so now that the logistics have been made known, I shot with Tisha, who is indeed a very lovely…girl. I will not disclose her age, except to say that she is somewhere betwixt infancy and the grave. :) However, we shot, a very challenging shoot might I add, but the check cashed so we worked it for a solid eight hours, that was including the uberextensive set up time for her make up and wig changes, and all the wrapping they did to make her body look more feminine and feline. Eight hours. So after the shoot, I send her the proofs, she sends me back a few to retouch and there we have it. Traditionally there is some back and forth regarding the retouching, but its usually to my clients’ satisfaction and I’d never had an issue such as this one. But not Tisha. Oh, no.
The extent to Tisha’s retouching bordered on insane. I mean insane. There is a limit to which I will spend on any individual project, despite the money I’m being paid for the absurd requests. We went through three weeks of back and forth over the retouching of her "real-life retouched" nose ("could you make this more pronounced, it looks a little unreal here, especially after the third surgery"; "could you make the ass a little rounder here and remove the lumps"). Best believe that as a photographer, I've seen it all, drag queens, nudity, placenta, you name it, so I'm not discriminatory. A paid client is a paid client. Money is green and that's what matters. I do my absolute best to ensure that each client is utterly happy and satisfied because I know that may need to my next booking. But Tisha - no. Not having it.
Long story short, after I kindly told her that it would be in her best interests to stop at a certain point or take the shots to another studio, that she decided that it was best to take me to small claims court. Are. You. F*cking. Kidding? After struggling to reason with this her/him, I finally decided, fine, take me to court, but a countersuit would be forthcoming for the damages incurred, the time wasted and I wish I could sue for her/him for just being a 6 foot tall walking mammoth of a bitch.
The verdict? I’m currently owed a nice sum of pocket change which will be used to pay for some new lighting equipment, I’d been dying to purchase. Eric and I are off to dinner for the night. But I had to tell you girls the craziness that I’ve encountered. Mateo – NO MORE REFERRALS from you. Sometimes ladies, the money is just not worth the time.
XOXO
K
Live free my lovelies!
Thursday
The Girls are Talking About RHODC
This week the Girls are Talking about RHODC. We're such huge fans of the Real Housewives' series on Bravo. Be sure to tune into tonight to RHODC, as we follow the lives of Lynda, Michaele (the infamous White House party crasher), Stacie, Mary and Cat as they face the trials of navigating DC life. Tonight's episode should be particularly juicey as Cat faces off against Stacie's gal pal, Erika for a heated showdown, and the ladies debate Gay Marriage. Mateo, will you be watching? Lol. Be sure to tune in tonight at 9 pm EST on Bravo. You can also download episodes on iTunes!
The Real Housewives of Atlanta: Season 1
Two Peas in a Pod
I'm on the phone talking to Kait last night about how much I wish I could find a man who understands my schedule and allows me the freedom to do what I need to do. I love talking to Kait because like me she lives a very busy life and doesn't have time for the craziness. As I'm rambling on and on about all my problems with the Deacon, Kait cuts me off and starts talking about her new man and all of her new clients. Now I'm no stranger to the term "cougar." I've seen Cougars on t.v. and even read about them in magazines. Demi Moore mind you is one of my favorite actresses, but damn I've never had an up close and personal encounter with one of these old hags dating younger men. (Now Kait just in case you're reading this...don't get me wrong. You know everything I'm writing here I said to you when you dropped this bomb shell on me.) I must admit when first told it was a bit of shock. I see my dear Kait dating a high power politician or doctor. Someone with major weight and assets in his portfolio. But after hanging up with Kait and really giving the idea some thought I started really wondering if maybe...?
I'm beginning to think that as young and vibrant as I am, that maybe my friends are more modern than me. I have Angel running off dating and soon marrying her lover from another color, Kait is dipping in the kiddie pool, Mateo is just Mateo (no need to comment on his foolishness) and then there's Alex lounging around with a member from the Fat Albert crew. Hey hey hey. I mean I'm looking at my friends and they all seem happy and I just feel all right with the Deacon. I mean he does do it for me sexually but out of the bed he just doesn't excite me. He's boring and he only seems to want to always have me lying underneath his sheets. Just last night he invited me over for dinner and I'm thinking he's going to fix me a full gourmet meal because God I love it when a man cooks for me. I get all nicely dressed, showered with my best shit and was ready to eat and allow this man to pamper me.
Little did I know that the main course was me, sitting on his dinner table, spread eagle and he filling himself up with my juices. Now I know that sounds ungrateful of me to whine now when clearly I enjoyed it last night, but really where is the man that is going to just overwhelm me with love? Where is the man going that is to feed me first and then feed himself? I'm just not getting that. And what makes it worse is that I did end up spending time with him the other night. I actually rushed through my work and ran over to his house when Xander was sleep. Again it was nothing more than some rump shaking. I don't know maybe I have the formula wrong. For the first time in a long time Angel seemed happy to pick out her wedding dress. No matter how nasty I was she seemed to just smile and laugh through everything. I'm now wondering if I need to jump on my crew's bandwagon and get me a fat, young, bisexual and another color man. Really it's just so hard being as wonderful as I am and not having someone else constantly see how beautiful I am.
Wednesday
Bitches At Work
There are some women at the job place that are asking...no demanding for a good ol' Vaseline up your ass whipping. There's this Bitch at my job (who I have to keep nameless so that I can keep my job) that is going to cause me to catch a case. This ancient hag has been working at my job in the same position for at least the last 25 years. The old hag I swear was on the marketing campaign that introduced cars to the world. This hag just hates me. Partly because I'm the best thing my job can afford to get right now and because I'm so young. Today we were in a meeting discussing our latest campaign we were going to pitch. My boss immediately suggested that I be the point person and everyone instantly agreed until the hag spoke up. This bitch had the nerve to say that she objected to that decision and thought I was too rough around the edges and young for such a big account. I swear I nearly jumped across the table and beat this Bitch right in her face, and I am not even a fighter like that.
Tuesday
Limp Biscuit
It’s Sunday and I am beat. What a weekend. I still can’t believe it. Oh the drama! I know I should be in somebody’s church praising the Lord but oh well, maybe next Sunday. Last night was cute. I went to a little birthday party at this new upscale bar in town with my new roommate. But the real tea is my Friday night. Baaby you aint gonna believe the shit that went down. I went home to celebrate one of my closest friend’s 30th birthday and to also to visit my parents. I’ve been having a little drought in the bedroom department these days which is quite strange, so you know I made a few phone calls before I left just to ensure that I had a good time while I was home.
Monday
One Man's Fantasy Is Another Woman's Nightmare
Ok, where do I begin? I’m barely able to type this right now, but I feel as though I need to get my feelings out before I explode. But, let me give you a disclaimer…DO NOT JUDGE ME. Ok, I’ve said it. I know I’m exposing a very private part of my life, but I just don’t need the judgement on this particular issue. So I arrived home this afternoon (Saturday) after my morning sweat session with Greg Gunz. We’d worked so hard on abs and glutes today, and I was feeling such a sense of accomplishment. Only 10 more lbs to go and I’d be at my goal weight for the South Beach trip for Girls’ Weekend. I was going to head out to do some shopping with Angel at noon, but she’d needed to push our meeting time back until 2 pm.
Well, after my shower at the gym, and with the shift in time, I’d decided to grab some lunch on the run from one of my favorite take out café’s near the gym – a tuna salad for me with a power smoothie and a club sandwich for Taylor because I know how much he loves them. I figured I’d surprise him with it and we’d be able to spend a little quality time together as he was going to be hanging out with his fraternity brothers later that night. When I got home, I dropped everything on the kitchen counter and proceeded up the stairs to the bedroom, because I know he’s probably still laying in bed being lazy (and here’s where I blame that damn plush carpeting that I just had to have), but apparently I didn’t make a sound as I was approaching the bedroom door which was closed for some reason. I found it odd, but it didn’t’ really register until later.
As I opened the door, I see Taylor , sprawled across the bed, legs spread wide, masturbating to the high heavens. The look of sheer panic flashed on his face as he jumped back, clearly shocked at my arrival. But it wasn’t the act itself that caught me off guard, it was what was playing on the television screen and scattered at the foot of the bed that really set me off. There on the screen was (and it pains me to even write this) was a blonde woman in what was clearly some massacred wig, on her knees in a doggy style position, with every orifice filled with parts of the male anatomy. It was a “gang bang”. But the worst part of all was that everyone on the screen had to be over 300 lbs. What. The. FiretrUCK?
There at the foot of the bed lay at least a half dozen or so DVD cases of more of the same filth. The look of horror must have registered on my face because Taylor attempted to jump up from the bed, but stumbled on the underwear that were still halfway around his ankles. At this point, I, reeling from disgust, slammed the door closed and stumbled down the stairs half-stumbling in my stilettos, grabbed my keys and purse and scurried out of the house.
I’m sitting here waiting for Angel now, nerves completely rattled. I mean is this normal? Do other women out there know that their husbands are getting off to fat porn?
Friday
Personal Journey
Another damn bed. I guess I should be thankful I have a roof over my head. Things could be worse, huh? So if that is the case, then why do I feel so stupid? I'm standing here along with everyone else with my blackberry out waiting for the metro after a long day of working. While they check emails I guess I will write. So like I said, I've been here for almost two years and this is my third bed. Yes I'm moving for the third time. I have to keep saying it in hopes that it will make some sort of sense to me. I find myself quite often sitting and wondering who this person is I've become.
Thursday
Question of the Day
Does race really matter when it comes to love?
Rising Road: A True Tale of Love, Race, and Religion in America
Rising Road: A True Tale of Love, Race, and Religion in America
Race and Relations
I just ordered my wedding dress. It’s really happening… I’m getting married. WOW! I dragged Alex and Paris kicking and screaming to the bridal store and made myself sit down and pick out the dress. Paris is not a big fan of my Baby, but Paris is not a big fan of anyone really. Alex was way more supportive, even willing to try on a few dresses for me so I could have visuals. Of course as I write this I’m not sure if it was more for her obsession to look at herself in the mirror or really for me. Paris literally sat in the corner saying no to every dress and making the shop girls run around and bring her everything under the sun. I swear if she was not my girl I would just pop her once. But Paris could not ruin my day. I’m starting to really accept the fact that I’m about to marry the man I love.
Wednesday
Never Enough Time
The deacon has been worrying me to death the last few days. He obviously is not used to a working, independent and successful woman. Two times last week I had to check him on some bullshit because he was acting needy and trying to play me like he doesn’t understand my schedule. Now he and I are fighting again because he wants to do dinner tonight and I can’t do it because I have my son’s football practice and then immediately following I have two customers whose payroll and bookkeeping are due first thing in the morning. Deacon dummy thinks that I should still be able to fit him in somewhere in my hectic schedule and I keep telling him it’s not about fitting him…it’s about me staying focused. It’s so hard being a single mom and trying to stay above the norm. The stigma of single mom’s is something I walk around with everyday.
Tuesday
Boy Meets Girl...er...Woman
I’m sick of photoshop right now so I’m taking a break. Although, I travel quite frequently for work, I do have a roster of local clients from both advertising and modeling/talent agencies, so my schedule is quite hectic. Hell, hectic isn’t the word, but I’m not complaining…I am making a decent living. Ok, so let’s update, I’ve just gotten back from Toronto just days ago, currently, I’m working on scheduling a booking in Seattle, and I’m editing shots from a shoot from earlier this morning. “Eric” is on his way over, and honestly today of all days I’m wet with anticipation. I’m sorry, I’ve just got to put it out there – it’s been almost two weeks since I’ve been able to indulge in my one of my favorite snacks – Nutrageous! Outlandish much? Yes, I am! But I cannot stand it. The boy doesn’t give orgasms – he gives bladder infections…that’s really my final word (insert mischevious smile).
Man of the Week: Joe Manganiello
This week's man of the week is True Blood star Joe Manganiello. The hunky actor has been heating up the small screen opposite Anna Paquin's Sookie Stackhouse, and we couldn't be happier. Sure True Blood just wrapped its Season Three finale on Sunday, but we couldn't be more ecstatic that he's joined the cast!
True Blood: The Complete Second Season (HBO Series)
True Blood: The Complete First Season (HBO Series)
Monday
Guns and Buns of Steel
To be quite frank, I really wish my husband would accompany me to the gym, I really hate to air any of our personal laundry on the world wide web, but ever since he’s been out of work I’m starting to feel like he’s become increasingly more and more lazy. Ok, I understand what not having a job can do to the male ego, but uh, let’s pick ourselves up and keep it moving right? We used to be so in sync when it came to accomplishing our goals…before he lost his job, it was nothing for us to wake up at 4 am every morning to hit the gym by 5 and sweat it out for an hour before we headed our separate ways to work. Now, I’m not even sure he wakes up before 11 am. Imagine me rolling my eyes right now…yes, I’m slightly jealous of his extended time at home (God only knows the things I could accomplish), but I’m a woman on many missions and life still begins for me at 4:30 am every morning to get work done on my novel.
Today's Affirmation: Choices
What others think of me is their choice, what I think of myself is my choice.
Friday
Today's Affirmation: Power
I have unique attributes and abilities because I am a woman.
Empowering Women: Every Woman's Guide to Successful Living
Empowering Women: Every Woman's Guide to Successful Living
Flaws and All
No children, 29 years old, successful marketer with great figure and brains to match. Happy Birthday to me. It’s time to pop bottles and remember how much of a loser I am. Uggghhhh why do I always feel like every birthday starts the exact the same way, me standing in a mirror promising myself that this year is going to be different than all the previous ones. You would think that after 14 years of living the same life I would get used to feeling like a loser by now. But here I am again questioning everything about myself and wondering what is wrong with me that I just can’t seem to get “it” right. I can feel the pity party coming as I write this entry. Paris keeps telling me that I need to commit myself to daily affirmations and starting reminding myself of all the good things in my life. Like for example one big difference in this year to all the others is that I’m engaged and expected to be married next year on my 30th birthday. I can’t help however, feeling a little late in the game. Who would have ever thought it would have taken me 30 years to find the Ken to my Barbie?
Thursday
Broken But Not Bound
I’ve just stepped out of the shower and I’m sitting on the edge of my bed with my towel lying across my lap. I look around and attempt to embrace the few days I have left in this bedroom. This wasn’t always my bedroom you know. We used to share the bedroom down the hall. Along with the bedroom, we shared many nights and many memories. I can’t help but wonder what happened. How and why did this happen? More importantly, how did I allow it to happen? As much as I know it wasn’t entirely my fault, but for some reason I blame myself totally. Why is it so hard for me to realize that it just wasn’t meant to be?
Wednesday
Why Can't We All Just Get Along?
Last weekend I'm at this picnic for my church. I joined this particular church six months ago because (1) it had the most single men (2) it had the most single successful men and (3) the women didn't seem put off by my fabulosity. When they say that "only time will tell," they clearly had this church in mind. Yes, I did find a nice little deacon that brought me closer to God and had me speaking tongues. And yes, he was very successful. In fact he's a partner at a big law firm here in town. So, I'm happy there. But the women...OMG the women. It seemed that as soon as I started wearing my good shit and the minister started breaking his neck to catch me after church to hold my hand and wish me good tidings throughout the week, these women nearly lost their minds.
Labels:
Fashion,
Gucci,
Paris,
Pastor Hill,
Ralph Lauren,
Xander
Tuesday
Flight Risk
Another airport. Another day of rescheduled flights. I swear my life is not always like this, so if you’re out there reading this…please don’t think I’m complaining about my luxe life on the go, its just that I’m finding it easier to write while I’m stuck in a situation wherein I can’t really do much else. And I really absolutely refuse to check my email again today. Who the fuck is messing up these flights like this?
Dunkin' the Donuts
I had three donuts today. That means I’ll be on the treadmill for a good 1.2 hours this afternoon, sweating out my hair and my eyebrows, and I’m still tingling from yesterday’s Brazilian wax, but as requested, I am blogging. Angel has requested that I open up more, well I figured that you can’t get more open than a Brazilian wax right? But back to the gooey glazed donuts - I think its stress eating. I’m sure of it. Why do people bring them into the office and leave them sitting out on the credenza for us to consume? There is obviously some skinny bitch out there in the world preying on innocent women who are always fighting the battle of the bulge. Thank God, Taylor hasn’t brought up anymore of his incessant baby talk, not that I’m opposed to it, it’s just that I see those post-preggers women on the treadmill, huffing and puffing in their attempts to whittle the baby fat away. I refuse to be that woman, and I’m usually thinking that as I’m increasing the speed and incline on my own machine. Besides, with Taylor’s current unemployment status, kids could NOT be anymore NOT on the menu!
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