Personal Journey

Another damn bed. I guess I should be thankful I have a roof over my head. Things could be worse, huh? So if that is the case, then why do I feel so stupid? I'm standing here along with everyone else with my blackberry out waiting for the metro after a long day of working. While they check emails I guess I will write. So like I said, I've been here for almost two years and this is my third bed. Yes I'm moving for the third time. I have to keep saying it in hopes that it will make some sort of sense to me. I find myself quite often sitting and wondering who this person is I've become.


I try hard to avoid mirrors because it forces me to look at myself and not know who the person is looking back. Where did I go wrong? I thought I had it all planned out from start to finish. But I guess we all did at some point. Then life happens and fucks shit up! Yes, "Miss Life" is too many things, honey. She gets all the way on my nerves at times. Now don’t get me wrong, life has been truly good to me. But what I think has happened is I have allowed those unfortunate events shape me and consume me. Events that have consumed me to such a degree that I can’t see past them.

I can’t love. I can’t think clearly. Happiness doesn’t exist to me. I recall when I was a senior in high school I had it all mapped out. I was on my way to college with a full scholarship. After college, I knew I would land a great job, have a nice car, and have a fierce home. So where in the hell did "Miss Unemployment,” “Miss Heartache,” and “Mr. Wrong” (he came at least 3 times) come from? They sure as hell weren’t in the plan. But you know what, I’m thankful. I am thankful for every single thing I have gone through and will go through. I have made a promise to myself to love harder, smile wider, and be wiser than I ever have before.

Well that’s about it for me girls…until next time.