Limp Biscuit

It’s Sunday and I am beat. What a weekend. I still can’t believe it. Oh the drama! I know I should be in somebody’s church praising the Lord but oh well, maybe next Sunday. Last night was cute. I went to a little birthday party at this new upscale bar in town with my new roommate. But the real tea is my Friday night. Baaby you aint gonna believe the shit that went down. I went home to celebrate one of my closest friend’s 30th birthday and to also to visit my parents. I’ve been having a little drought in the bedroom department these days which is quite strange, so you know I made a few phone calls before I left just to ensure that I had a good time while I was home.


The birthday party was really nice. A few new and familiar faces I had not seen in a while. I was so glad I pulled out those new Prada sneakers I shouldn’t have purchased last month. I looked FABULOUS! I received my first text of the night as I was sipping on my first drink of the night, and it was Alvin. Now Alvin is a guaranteed good time. He is one of those, “If all else fails” dates. I knew he was going to be available so I didn’t respond. Terrell texted next. Now Terrell is from Texas and informed me that he would be in town for the weekend visiting family and that he wanted to see me. Terrell and I had one encounter about a year ago. Wasn’t all that. I take that back, it was boring. But he said he got a room for the night for us so I figured I would entertain him once again. I didn’t want to leave the party so soon but Terrell kept blowing up my damn phone insisting that I meet him out at the club which was just around the corner from the party.


I left the birthday party around midnight and headed to the club to meet Terrell. Each and every time I go to that club I am more amazed then that time before. I swear the boys are younger and more feminine. A mess! So of course I made my way directly to the bar. I had a drink and caught up with some old faces and Terrell. After about 30 minutes, the eager and somewhat seemingly drunk Terrell suggested that we leave and head to the room.


The Holiday Inn Express. Considering where I’m from it wasn’t a bad choice. So we walk into the room and he immediately starts in. As we are undressing, I’m thinking to myself that maybe this time will be better. Everything was cool. His body was just as I remembered it. A muscular chest and an ass you could sit a tray on. Well it seemed that Mr. Terrell’s equipment was having a small malfunction. Well more like it just wasn’t working. Pissed! I couldn’t believe this. I know it couldn’t be me. I was doing my thing as usual and I never get complaints dammit. What a waste of my fucking time and a nice piece. Little did he know that I wasn’t staying the night. Oh and to make matters worse he falls asleep. Yes Girls!! He falls asleep literally in the midst. That was it. I’m done! So I get up and sit on the side of the bed waiting to hear the snores so I could make my getaway. I slowly put on each article of clothing one by one. Stopping after each is on and looking to make sure he is still asleep. So after about 20 minutes of that foolishness, I tip toe out of the room and make a dash for elevator praying that the door closing did not wake that son of a bitch up.


I was driving home in shock. I was pissed, frustrated, and horny. What was I thinking? How stupid! His ass was a waste of time the first time and he wasted my time the second time. Never again! I can promise you that. He will never get a taste of this again. I should have gone with my guaranteed good time. It was like three in the morning and I knew he was either pissed with me or asleep. I had to let things blow over and make up with the next day. So girls, I headed to my parent’s home and practiced the famous saying, “If you want something done right, then you do it yourself!” And that’s just what I did!


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