Broken But Not Bound

I’ve just stepped out of the shower and I’m sitting on the edge of my bed with my towel lying across my lap. I look around and attempt to embrace the few days I have left in this bedroom. This wasn’t always my bedroom you know. We used to share the bedroom down the hall. Along with the bedroom, we shared many nights and many memories. I can’t help but wonder what happened. How and why did this happen? More importantly, how did I allow it to happen? As much as I know it wasn’t entirely my fault, but for some reason I blame myself totally. Why is it so hard for me to realize that it just wasn’t meant to be?


Well, if you haven’t figured it out, I’m going through a breakup. This shit is never easy. It’s been rough…..quite rough to be honest. For some strange reason I thought it was going to be a piece of cake for us to remain living together until I found another place. Boy was I wrong. Things were cool for the first month. But then slowly things began to change. I noticed a change in him. After living with a person for almost a year, you tend to learn their ends and outs. He started to talk on the phone more. Not only more, but the calls were late at night with his bedroom door closed. With the paper thin walls that filled his two bedroom condo, I could hear the seductive tone in his voice and the coy laughter he let out during their late night phone calls. Oh yes, he’s dating now. Can you believe this motherfucker?

I guess you are probably saying “Well, aren’t you dating as well?” I went on one date, so what? It wasn’t like I was really interested in the guy. Just something to past the time that day and get me out of the house. I lay in bed some nights during this torture and I stare at my ceiling. I can’t help but think that God is paying me back for something that I did at some point in my past. I must admit, writing this down kinda makes me feel a little better. So what now? I ask myself that question every single day. And every single day I still don’t have the answer. But for some reason this evening I think I do. LIVE!


The Breakup Workbook: A Common Sense Guide to Getting Over Your Ex