Two Peas in a Pod

I'm on the phone talking to Kait last night about how much I wish I could find a man who understands my schedule and allows me the freedom to do what I need to do. I love talking to Kait because like me she lives a very busy life and doesn't have time for the craziness. As I'm rambling on and on about all my problems with the Deacon, Kait cuts me off and starts talking about her new man and all of her new clients. Now I'm no stranger to the term "cougar." I've seen Cougars on t.v. and even read about them in magazines. Demi Moore mind you is one of my favorite actresses, but damn I've never had an up close and personal encounter with one of these old hags dating younger men. (Now Kait just in case you're reading this...don't get me wrong. You know everything I'm writing here I said to you when you dropped this bomb shell on me.) I must admit when first told it was a bit of shock. I see my dear Kait dating a high power politician or doctor. Someone with major weight and assets in his portfolio. But after hanging up with Kait and really giving the idea some thought I started really wondering if maybe...?

I'm beginning to think that as young and vibrant as I am, that maybe my friends are more modern than me. I have Angel running off dating and soon marrying her lover from another color, Kait is dipping in the kiddie pool, Mateo is just Mateo (no need to comment on his foolishness) and then there's Alex lounging around with a member from the Fat Albert crew. Hey hey hey. I mean I'm looking at my friends and they all seem happy and I just feel all right with the Deacon. I mean he does do it for me sexually but out of the bed he just doesn't excite me. He's boring and he only seems to want to always have me lying underneath his sheets. Just last night he invited me over for dinner and I'm thinking he's going to fix me a full gourmet meal because God I love it when a man cooks for me. I get all nicely dressed, showered with my best shit and was ready to eat and allow this man to pamper me.

Little did I know that the main course was me, sitting on his dinner table, spread eagle and he filling himself up with my juices. Now I know that sounds ungrateful of me to whine now when clearly I enjoyed it last night, but really where is the man that is going to just overwhelm me with love? Where is the man going that is to feed me first and then feed himself? I'm just not getting that. And what makes it worse is that I did end up spending time with him the other night. I actually rushed through my work and ran over to his house when Xander was sleep. Again it was nothing more than some rump shaking. I don't know maybe I have the formula wrong. For the first time in a long time Angel seemed happy to pick out her wedding dress. No matter how nasty I was she seemed to just smile and laugh through everything. I'm now wondering if I need to jump on my crew's bandwagon and get me a fat, young, bisexual and another color man. Really it's just so hard being as wonderful as I am and not having someone else constantly see how beautiful I am.